Thursday, September 1, 2011

Obsessed With the "F" word

Ever wondered if your obsessed with food?

I wonder all the time and the answer is a resounding "Yes".  Can't think of a time when the answer was no um maybe other than when I was single and I'd start dating someone new and not want to eat in front of them - LOL but then I was preoccupied with what I was going to eat when we went our separate ways - hey if I'm going to blog I'm gong to be honest.  By obsessed I don't mean all I do is eat, I mean I find myself researching, investigating and comfortable discussing food regularly. I'll even admit to some food  porn - stop being fresh- NOT ANYTHING GROSS!

If I start a new 'diet' I can spend hours googling recipes and creating plan specific meal plans because repetition makes me sad. I have to force myself away from the cookbook section of bookstores in fear of buying MORE cookbooks to further my research. If left to me I could spend all day watching the Food and Cooking networks. They say variety is absolutely the spice of life and I'm open to trying most things at least once when it comes to food - hang gliding, bungee jumping or sky diving is NOT on my bucket list.

I remember telling someone once I'm way more forgiving when it comes to food than when it comes to  people. If I try something and dislike it there is a better chance I'd try it again later in life in the name of maybe it was a bad day, if I meet someone and they rub me the wrong way there is a good chance that relationship might be over before it had a chance to start. More on forgiveness later.

  
As of late I've grown tired of eating out a Chain restaurants -Fridays, Friendly's, Applebee's, Ruby Tuesdays, etc. Unfortunately our new neighborhood has every possible franchise you could imagine but not as much diversity in the any  name of specialty / ethnic cuisines. That could work in my benefit. I've decided to attempt to make some of my own versions of my favorites from the franchises and become more creative with spices and herbs to switch things up when I cook.

A little more on the obsession front, so I'm  not a fan of my own leftovers, but would gladly enjoy someone else's and the concept of cooking, freezing and reheating doesn't do it for me at all. I've tried it and its too reminiscent of Oh I dunno -- left overs. So, what I found helpful was Rachael Ray's 5 in a day. The concept of getting the meals complete up to the second stop before completion seems ingenious!

Thanks Rachael! Only thing with her recipes is I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to use lower fat foods to make them more WW friendly. That is not terrible, and still offers options.

This past weekend I found two comfort food diet  cookbooks in my cabinet and wondered how the hell haven't I fulled flagged this book by now?!  As a matter of fact how did I buy this book and not look into this diet and it looks and feels like everything I love. The look on my face as I flipped through the book was priceless. It's calorie driven so I was excted to see that each meal stillresultin in about 1400 calories perday.

Yep, so back to my passion about the F word. I do quite enjoy food. If given the option to drink my calories or eat my calories, I'd choose 'EAT' every time. Seriously. I wasn't a huge happy hour fan,  because drinking is not a huge past time of mine, however last summer or maybe it was the fall, I DISCOVERED happy hour food. LOL - I'm very much into happy hour now (haha- not so much) but when I invited I consider the delicious so terrible for you fried goodies that seem to go soo well with yeah you guessed it - A DIET  COKE! You can't be surprised I just told you I'd prefer to eat my calories over drinking them.

I've been on diets where my (now) husband all but begged me to get off  because I was down right irritable and grouchy. I could only eat like 4 things and they were nothing to brag about and I hated every minute of it. By the time I scrapped that plan I was all smiles and thoroughly enjoying my first 'real' meal. My mom often 'catches' me mid -meal and all smiles and just watches in amazement how blissful I look. Kinda creepy, but is it really that terrible? Shouldn't everyone have something that makes them happy? I know I know, not so happy that they abuse it.

On my birthday 'the hubster' took me to a well reknowned Asian Fusion restaurant in a popular NYC hangout. I can honestly say I enjoyed everything from the cocktail to the dessert. I think we had about four courses and and at one  point I was completely silent (which is a rare occasion) and just smiling - enjoying the ambiance and the party in my mouth. I was in seventh heaven until I looked over the young lady next to me who was too cute and  very pregnant but all belly. I hadn't even noticed she was expecting until she got up and I could see her profile. Suddenly my birthday dress didn't look so cute anymore and my bloating from the last two day sod carb overload was very evident and I realized I too looked like I was expecting... to deliver a few loaves of bread and maybe even a basket to present them all in.

I love to take a pic every year on my birthday and in all fairness I got a ton of compliments that day on my dress. At the close of dinner I did what any self respecting Chubbette would and went to the ladies room in hopes of 'de-bloating'. Much to my chagrin, no such luck. I stared long and hard in the mirror and realized that I was wearing a beautiful dress. The dress was well constructed and had a lovely pattern and then it hit me you got complimented on your taste in dresses - not how YOU look in the dress! What a disappointment. My good mood started to fade but I tried to hold on to the excitement of the wonderful evening, the beautiful cards/gifts and great time I was having out on the town.

So, this obsession of mine, feels good while I'm enjoying my conquest, but becomes somewhat of a source of contention when I see myself in the third person. There is a very sad element in all of this, simply because I wouldn't give up food forever to be thin, but I often feel like I've created a hamster wheel where my love for food is keeping me from a thinner, happier, satisfied me.

Balance is what I lack - the balance between satisfying a hankering and eating ALL of something in order to convince myself I've successfully satisfied the hankering. I have thin friends who allegedly enjoy food ,but it only takes them ONE  bite to satisfy the craving which to me is counter intuitive. How could you only need or want a bite to satisfy a craving ? Ugly truth is you really don't need much mo er than a little bit.. Still struggling to embrace that concept, but I'm trying to remind myself of that as this journey progresses.

This week's goal is to live with more balance, enjoy the foods you like within moderation; whether it's one small thing every day or wating until one day and enjoying a treat. Deprivation is not going to work and neither is overindulgence.

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