Love languages

My pastor is preaching in the 5 love languages. They represent the way we express our love to others and the way we want to be shown love. They are:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Receiving gifts
3. Quality time
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

He was preaching on this in context of relationships - marriages to be specific and how we are predisposed to showing love through our own language and wanting to be shown the same way. However the core of most marital conflict stems from not taking the time to learn and communicate with our mates , friends, family in their preferred language. Makes sense, right ?

So for a moment I am going to step away from the relationship angle and look at self. I've identified my love language as receiving (and giving gifts) and words of affirmation... Or so I say. So I am looking back at the last few weeks to assess if that's how I've shown self love. What positive affirmations have I repeated and or what gifts have I given myself? I can recall one email I sent to my husband where I was declaring to him how I was going to own my day and not allow it to own or rule me . Gifts. If we exclude food not much that qualifies as loving myself. Food isn't a reward because I'm not a dog ... Isn't that what they say?

However I will say on the heels of my upcoming 35th ... i mean 29th birthday in August I booked an overnight spa trip with my Mom and another Mom and daughter and I'm telling myself that is one of my gifts to myself ... Course it's pricey and the justification is only for a milestone ... But that's a while away and in all fairness pricey or not big damn deal. I should be gifting to myself regularly right?

So where am I going with this? Nothing along the lines of needing a bigger gift budget... Though that would be nice , but more along the lines of setting smaller and more routine acts of love and kindness to myself. These gifts don't all have to be tangible. They can be the gift of life or life's accessories... Not shoes or ear rings but healthy lifestyle and its accessories -- weight loss, regular exercise, positive attitude etc.

Part of the reason I opted to indulge was in response to a less than stellar birthday experience last year at the hands so to speak of my husband ... This was almost an I'll show you how kind of exercise. Ill show you how to plan my birthday. Ill show you it requires research and months of advanced planning. I will show you blah blah blah. In all fairness it's CRAP and I know that it's wrong.... Especially as I'm saying I will show you I am wagging my finger at him. Not cool and soo not becoming. My motives at least.I should still go but strongly consider changing the date to another weekend that isn't my birthday. Give him the opportunity to show me what he CAN do, vs looking for an excuse to hold it over his head forever.
Another gift I struggle with giving. The gift of forgiveness to myself and others. Sad

I am giving myself a huge gift -- allegedly the gift of life. Isn't that what WLS is for someone like me ?or what it should be ? It can be but am I approaching it as such.

If someone were waiting for a donor organ I imagine there would be prep they would undergo for how to care for their new heart or kidney or whatever. Would they continue to live wrecklessly until the last moment or would they train for the upcoming surgery and the life after ?

Hmm makes me think that last paragraph deserves its own entry, but yes before I can be upset with someone else for not loving me the way I want to be loved I need to see my own example and love myself the way I want others to love me .

Speak words of affirmation daily, spend quality time alone. Give meaningful and thoughtful gifts to Summa.

What is your love language and do you practice that expression of love to or on yourself ?