The Park

Asa. Child I looooved the park - especially growing up in NYC where (at least when I was little) there weren't tons of them and everyone usually wanted to be there at the same time ... So everything was a line - like the swings - my all time favorite. 

Back in July we had a family friend visiting and she asked to go the park - she's 7 and of course we obliged.  Who knew parks were so much fun as adults - not theme parks - regular old school parks with swings, slides, monkey bars and such.  Well for the first time in almost twenty years I got on  no swing and didn't worry that I was too heavy or I'd be embarrassed about how I looked "stuffed" between the chain links or my butt being too wide for the rubber nook for seating. I got on and I let my inner kid out -well not entirely bc the adult in me didn't want to scuff my shoes - but given that I was a precocious child it isn't far fetched I would have had the same concern thirty years ago... Anyway as usual I digress... I just held on and began to swing, at some point I closed my eyes and traveled back to being a kid and imagining back then when I closed my eyes about being an an adult and then I felt a smile creep around the corners of my mouth-bc my real life NOW in some ways was. Ritter than my imagined life when I was a child. For that brief second I saw my accomplishments and not my unfinished projects or bad decisions. I saw my success at 36 and not my foresaken wish list.  I saw and experienced the magic of that moment and not the opportunity cost of what I should have been doing or how my time could be better spent. I felt FREE! It was incredible! It was unimaginably rewarding.

Earlier in the visit I was seated on a bench watching my husband play with Denyse and thought how awesome it is he can still be so much fun and I started to feel a little sad that I wasn't as fun...  Based that thought away with a selfie. Surprise surprise and saw her

That sparkle created by the positioning of the sun/lighting and the angle of the camera was symbolic of the new sparkle / shine I see in myself these days  and immediately I reprimanded myself for causing this woman of not being fun.  Fun? How can you say that about her ? She's on the ultimate journey of self discovery, awareness and purpose in life - that is FUN defined (by some)! Learning who you are, what you enjoy and not hiding behind actions driven primarily by what others expect of you because well... You have already deemed yourself an ultimate failure (sad, right) is HUGE! To take action now because YOU want to that's progress. So yah, I killed that "no fun" noir really quickly and made my way over to the wings to join hubbs and Denyse.

Suffice to say enjoyed my time at the park - next time I will wear more appropriate shoes :)