It's been quite some time. Quite. Some.Time.
Shit got real - I'll start from today and move backwards. So today is Day 2 of a Juice Cleanse/Fast. I didn't think I'd survive yesterday and I'm so close to cheating - hence the post.
I have been out of control. My all time highest post WLS regain has me at a whopping 176 pounds per the doctor's office. I was astounded basis my home scale hadn't even shown 170. Scary. Very Scary.
So in typical Summa fashion I felt compelled to do something drastic - even though I'm allegedly low carb, high protein, high fat "lifestyle" so one would think I would have gone on a protein shake only reset, but I panicked and thought I should try to poop my brains out and then reset... I won't say that was the most logical way to go but I was scared straight.
Clearly not so scared that I don't want this ground turkey, but scared enough to know Im pushing my luck and nothing in my closet fits. or should I say 80% of my clothes no longer fit.
So day 1 - challenging and I slept a lot. that helped. So much so that I didn't get through all of my juices. Got in 4 of 6 for the most part they were ok, I like what I like and know that's a large part of my problem - i want to enjoy EVERYTHING and my version of enjoyment is not in my best interest for weight loss.
Day 2 - I've only had 2 of 6 and forgot almost 3 of them at work. so today I will choke down the 2 that I have at home that are not so delicious. I know I sound like a brat. Fortunately the night is almost over and I can bang out the few I have and have another few tomorrow to get my money's worth and fill up since I will be dining out with colleagues (poor planning I know).
So where am I mentally - I'm frustrated but happy that I sucked it up spent a small fortune to drink only. Have I pooped my brains out - nah? I've gone only once and my stomach does feel less bloated but I was hoping for some magnificent changes. I failed by not planning better and easing into and out of it. Shocker! thats my problem entirely too impulsive.
What else? Moved from north east to midwest (technically) I dunno - I don't consider Ohio.. Cincinnati specifically the midwest - not sure how'd Id classify but MW definitely would not be it. It's ok - different, for the most part people are friendly - the food here is not the best I've ever had which is why this 15-20 pound uptick on the scale is a bit tough to swallow, but there are chains that I've never heard of like "steak n shake" & hmm why can't I think of the others that have taken me down - guess it's mostly steak n shake, craft beer, beer cheese & pretzels, oh now I remember, taste of Belgium, Grippos potato chips & all sorts of other random crap that in real life wouldn't excite me likely if it weren't new. I don't even like beer and yet I've been on more brew bus tours than I care to admit - can't lie it's been fun and I had no idea Breweries were so family friendly - kids, adults, babies, brides, you name they love it.
Hmm what else - um? I am a week into 39 years old which means I'm less than a year away from turning 40 and I have mixed feelings about that.... Kinda cool that's almost here kind of sad that I don't have some of the stuff I thought I would by now (read: a baby). Different post... or maybe not. it may sneak into this one.
Bought a new car less than 6 months prior to making the decision to move for work and now I have the luxury of walking to work because it's so close which suggests I have money to give away paying for a car note & car insurance - but I really love the car #spoiledbrat. Is what it is - moving on.
CTP Exam - still hanging over my head. I've taken it twice and just missed both times and I KNOW it's for lack of preparedness. That was annoying but a very REAL reminder that Im not one of those people that don't have to study and am naturally smart - nope I have to work at most things and cannot get away with minimal effort - thats annoying, but it's my truth. Fat Ugly Truth. So I have purchased study material for a 3rd time, first time company paid so this is only my second (still - it ain't cheap) and I am AGAIN stalling on studying. Today I think I made up my mind I need to do it. Got some sobering news at work that I will likely be hanging out ini the current role for a little longer than I thought I would - all good I needed that smack in the face to stop playing the avoidance game.
Bike Riding - So yes was one of those lame adults that didn't have a physical impediment stopping them from learning how to ride a bike unless FEAR is an impediment - which I do not believe it is. My DH taught me on Saturday -that was a milestone in and of itself because historically he has not
been the best teacher... to/for me. So that was cool (smile). I learned on a rent a bike so you can say it cost me $8 and 2 hours to learn which is not bad at all. We went bike shopping on Saturday afternoon - who KNEW these things were so expensive. The most affordable one we found at Dick's was $199 on sale-not the end of the world but dayum seriously? Guess when I think of how much money I've pissed away on other things fitness related this is not bad, at least I'll get to keep the bike, huh?
Speaking of fitness -allowed some new friends to encourage me to trying out aerial silks wit them - I can't like its been ok. The intro workshop may have left me a wee bit overconfident. Now I jumped into a 10 class punchcard and Level 2 is kicking my ass I have to ask myself - WTF have I done? I spent the money so of course I'm going to go. One thing I discovered during the bike riding exercise other than my back fat is back and Im no longer as "smooth" as I used to be from the rear view, was that the thing I feared most was the thing that got me over the hurdle - Speed. I was afraid to go quickly on the bike for fear of falling, losing control and or struggling, however when I sped up on the bike keeping my balance was so much easier and the effort felt more rewarding. DH was good enough to record my riding so he could point out what I was doing wrong and settle the score as to whether or not his tone is too abrasive/aggressive -this was the issue with him 'teaching' me things in the past. And I was SHOCKED to see myself careening down the empty parking lot - looking quasi - comfortable. Now I just need to add swimming to that list and I would have entered the rest of civilization. Back to Silks, its fun, different sexy and a great toning exercise. Im just wondering if I was too quick to jump the gun and maybe I should have tried Hot Yoga instead - they are on the same street and same time commitment - sorta. Guess mind over matter - I paid, its something different, new and I should embrace the opportunity to meet new people and push my body and mind - learning and growing right ?
What else - I intentionally haven't gone into the work rant because well that's not going anywhere and I need to digest some feelings before deciding how I really feel about that which is on my mind.
Shit got real - I'll start from today and move backwards. So today is Day 2 of a Juice Cleanse/Fast. I didn't think I'd survive yesterday and I'm so close to cheating - hence the post.
I have been out of control. My all time highest post WLS regain has me at a whopping 176 pounds per the doctor's office. I was astounded basis my home scale hadn't even shown 170. Scary. Very Scary.
So in typical Summa fashion I felt compelled to do something drastic - even though I'm allegedly low carb, high protein, high fat "lifestyle" so one would think I would have gone on a protein shake only reset, but I panicked and thought I should try to poop my brains out and then reset... I won't say that was the most logical way to go but I was scared straight.
Clearly not so scared that I don't want this ground turkey, but scared enough to know Im pushing my luck and nothing in my closet fits. or should I say 80% of my clothes no longer fit.
So day 1 - challenging and I slept a lot. that helped. So much so that I didn't get through all of my juices. Got in 4 of 6 for the most part they were ok, I like what I like and know that's a large part of my problem - i want to enjoy EVERYTHING and my version of enjoyment is not in my best interest for weight loss.
Day 2 - I've only had 2 of 6 and forgot almost 3 of them at work. so today I will choke down the 2 that I have at home that are not so delicious. I know I sound like a brat. Fortunately the night is almost over and I can bang out the few I have and have another few tomorrow to get my money's worth and fill up since I will be dining out with colleagues (poor planning I know).
So where am I mentally - I'm frustrated but happy that I sucked it up spent a small fortune to drink only. Have I pooped my brains out - nah? I've gone only once and my stomach does feel less bloated but I was hoping for some magnificent changes. I failed by not planning better and easing into and out of it. Shocker! thats my problem entirely too impulsive.
What else? Moved from north east to midwest (technically) I dunno - I don't consider Ohio.. Cincinnati specifically the midwest - not sure how'd Id classify but MW definitely would not be it. It's ok - different, for the most part people are friendly - the food here is not the best I've ever had which is why this 15-20 pound uptick on the scale is a bit tough to swallow, but there are chains that I've never heard of like "steak n shake" & hmm why can't I think of the others that have taken me down - guess it's mostly steak n shake, craft beer, beer cheese & pretzels, oh now I remember, taste of Belgium, Grippos potato chips & all sorts of other random crap that in real life wouldn't excite me likely if it weren't new. I don't even like beer and yet I've been on more brew bus tours than I care to admit - can't lie it's been fun and I had no idea Breweries were so family friendly - kids, adults, babies, brides, you name they love it.
Hmm what else - um? I am a week into 39 years old which means I'm less than a year away from turning 40 and I have mixed feelings about that.... Kinda cool that's almost here kind of sad that I don't have some of the stuff I thought I would by now (read: a baby). Different post... or maybe not. it may sneak into this one.
Bought a new car less than 6 months prior to making the decision to move for work and now I have the luxury of walking to work because it's so close which suggests I have money to give away paying for a car note & car insurance - but I really love the car #spoiledbrat. Is what it is - moving on.
CTP Exam - still hanging over my head. I've taken it twice and just missed both times and I KNOW it's for lack of preparedness. That was annoying but a very REAL reminder that Im not one of those people that don't have to study and am naturally smart - nope I have to work at most things and cannot get away with minimal effort - thats annoying, but it's my truth. Fat Ugly Truth. So I have purchased study material for a 3rd time, first time company paid so this is only my second (still - it ain't cheap) and I am AGAIN stalling on studying. Today I think I made up my mind I need to do it. Got some sobering news at work that I will likely be hanging out ini the current role for a little longer than I thought I would - all good I needed that smack in the face to stop playing the avoidance game.
Bike Riding - So yes was one of those lame adults that didn't have a physical impediment stopping them from learning how to ride a bike unless FEAR is an impediment - which I do not believe it is. My DH taught me on Saturday -that was a milestone in and of itself because historically he has not
been the best teacher... to/for me. So that was cool (smile). I learned on a rent a bike so you can say it cost me $8 and 2 hours to learn which is not bad at all. We went bike shopping on Saturday afternoon - who KNEW these things were so expensive. The most affordable one we found at Dick's was $199 on sale-not the end of the world but dayum seriously? Guess when I think of how much money I've pissed away on other things fitness related this is not bad, at least I'll get to keep the bike, huh?
What else - I intentionally haven't gone into the work rant because well that's not going anywhere and I need to digest some feelings before deciding how I really feel about that which is on my mind.
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