Clearing The Clutter

About one year ago, I stumbled onto Tammy's blog,  Oganize Yourself Skinny and through her e-course, I discovered some of my food triggers include clutter.

It made sense why this was so timely because construction on our new home was complete, but as with any new build project, there are always open items and loose ends The biggest of the loose ends was that it took another few months for us to have our driveway poured and we did not get grass until almost mid-August (we closed in late February). As much as I loved our home driving up to the house and seeing the mud, dirt, and lack of curb appeal wreaked havoc on my emotions instantly. I could not figure out why I was so angry every day walking into an otherwise beautiful home. There was nothing we could do about the curb, but I discovered the frustration continued to build if I came in and there was clutter on the island - typically unread, undelivered unsorted mail, and any other odds and ends or if the loft was in disarray. All of these "little fires' were setting me off and contributing to the downward spiral of a bad mood and of course the lash out of making poor dinner choices.

Tammy's e-course helped me step through that and begin to combat (again what we all know) control what you can control and manage the rest best you can. I can absolutely manage island clutter. It's the same effect a made bed has on you when you come home from a long day. If the island was clear mentally I processed that as a clean canvas to prepare dinner. A cluttered counter was one more thing to do before I could eat or prepare a healthy or at least a home-cooked meal and it made me feel defeated before I started.

As I stepped through this e-course and continue to read through Tammy's blog I started picking up on the patterns - like coming in to work on Monday morning to hundreds of unread emails, a disheveled desk and unplanned calendar and to-do list. I felt sunk before I started and overwhelmed by the pre-work before I could actually begin tackling this week's work. Friday became the dedicated admin day and while that does not always go off unfoiled, I know it needs to be done before the weekend in order for me to rest easy and not spend the entire weekend anxiety-ridden about what awaits me.

Fast forward to the stay at home order in which the ghost of Pantry gone wild plagued me day in and day out as I continued to grocery shop and buy duplicates because I didn't know what I had and I found myself cranky when I had to step into the "pantry I always wanted". It was bad ya'll - I will let you see for yourself. Not my proudest little secret and like any deep dark secret it began to haunt me.

Can you see that? I told you it was bad. I Pintereste'd the hell out of ideas of how to tackle how quickly it could be done, but the thing I was avoiding most was what I knew needed to be done. I needed to map out a strategy by asking myself what I wanted the outcome to be? Did I want this to be a catch-all space? Was it intended to be an appliance haven?S Surplus from the cabinets? What did I want when this was all over? Because this would not be a multi-generational project. I had no intention of going back and touching everything to upgrade and re-do.

This project wound up taking me 2 weekends and 2 workdays, but it was so worth it. I wound up taking out everything, starting with the appliances and making the call on what needed to be in the pantry because it justifies space or could be relegated to the basement for special occasions (and worth the walk).  I leveraged all of the counter and tabletop space I could to organize piles of canned, boxed, packaged goods, and decided I wanted zones to help ease the burden of meal prep and decision making. I will spare you the ins and outs but basically, it took as long as it did because I spent the time and money to order tools from the Container Store, Target, and Amazon to help with layout and organization. Some were hit and miss. Some were first run scores.  Once I found my groove I was again a woman on a mission.

I was offered help from friends with children that were bored being at home and have early-onset OCD and would have been happy to help, but this was a project I needed to step through alone, carefully think through my strategy in the kitchen, how I wanted to label and organize and frankly I wanted to bask in the glory of completing this task. This was oddly cathartic. Touching every can, every package revisiting every diet plan I'd been on in the last few years was eye-opening - just how much space, time, and money dumped into programs that never took off or saw the light of day.  I thought I'd be bummed by the expired canned goods and the unopened protein shakes or one serving used protein powders and the artificial sweetener that could only be found on amazon for Keto b/c suddenly Splenda was not approved 'fake sugar'.  I felt empowered, emboldened to take control of this tiny space that I "always wanted". I suddenly remembered that I've never had a space this large before just for food. I also recalled a recent house tour and this was the one door I was embarrassed to open until the guest asked what was behind this door and I was mortified but opened it anyway. I felt shame that the rest of my beautiful home was so orderly and a space that I need to use every day was a moshpit. 

That moment replayed and haunted me for weeks and I felt PRESSURE to do something during the stay at home order because I was here and I'm never [usually] home and this is a big item on the to-do list and everyone else is getting stuff done. Oh by the way work was super busy the first 5 weeks of the stay at home order. I was being unfair to myself making this pantry impede my already overflowing to-do list. But I carved out time and space in my mind and I accomplished the project and could NOT be prouder of it.

What did I learn?

Once I got past how daunting it was and how much time it would take and focused on what it would offer me later - less trigger and a way to manage my meal prep it became exciting. It became a puzzle that only I could figure out and design and there was so much satisfaction and momentum that came shortly thereafter. It made me think about my weight loss journey. To consider the intended outcome but not become preoccupied with how long it would take. Once I knew I wanted to be out of the odd-shaped packages, pouches, and boxes I knew what I had to do and suddenly the time it would take to get there was no longer my priority. It was about the efficiency of the process and the sustainability of the end result. I knew I did NOT want to have to move an item to get to another item I needed frequently, I knew I did not want to make the process so complex that I would eventually have to start over. I knew I wanted to see EVERYTHING in the room and zip through taking inventory for grocery runs and I wanted access to accessories like my aprons that I love but have been folded up in drawers all over the house for the last 10+ years. Just like weight loss journey - less about the pace in which it takes you to get there but that you have a goal in mind and the goal is flexible and the method to keep all things in order really drives the effort you put forth today.

The suspense MUST be killing you to see the end result? I'm glad you asked, here it is. I threw in some drawers and cabs well.

What if any triggers de-rail your weight loss and fitness journey? How do you combat them or re-frame to get back on track?

Perspective

It's been a while - but that has become my M.O. - inconsistent. I recently had some frank conversations with myself and listened to a crap-ton (technical term) of podcasts in effort to get my mindset in order. I will spare you the gory details of the programs and attempts at quick fixes since my last post. I for one am trying to forget about them and move on to what's important - today and today's ahead.

Since then, there have been many moments when I thought this would make an 'excellent' comeback post. Spoiler alert-the comeback is not a winning found my way and got back to goal weight story... yet. Instead, it's a woman on a mission to find her sense of self-story (or post).

Since the pandemic/stay at home order I have found myself doing what I always do - pushing forward towards the bright light even if it meant white-knuckling my way through it.  We are going into the 12th week of working remotely and by now by my expectations and calculations, I should have hit goal weight and or been well on my way to goal.  What my expectations did not factor in was the emotional toll and rollercoaster the last 12 weeks would present.

Loss of loved ones due to Corona Virus, loss of #blacklives to more senseless discriminatory actions, loss of physical touch, and in-person connection of those outside our household, which admittedly I crave more than I believed prior to all of this. Loss of busy nights and evenings with work events, community commitments, and or late nites in the office.  Loss of a commute to work and the dread of adverse impacts inclement weather will bring, loss of anxiety about working from home to accommodate contractors, doctor's appointments, or feeling unwell as a result of flare-up and needed a later start to allow my joints to get moving.

What have I gained? Oh, you mean other than weight? I gained a new perspective of myself - my strengths, weakness, and source of motivation. I will attempt to unpack each in its own post. I gained a newly tidy, organized pantry and cabinets, an appreciation for what self-care looks like for me. Also, I gained an appreciation for all the nuggets of self-care, education, and life lessons that have been right under my nose all this time but I was too 'busy' to notice or take advantage. The importance of the full package - good rest, nutrition, and physical activity - all the stuff that people have been saying forever.  A refined sense of what it means to run my own race - in my own way, in my own time and terms.

My normal way to look back over the last 12 weeks - is all that I could, should, wanted to have accomplished or where I would be today if only I did insert the blank. Today I look back on the 12 weeks or 3 months as the time I needed to slow down, evaluate how I respond to change and offer myself grace and patience and love for stepping through it and accomplishing some bigger items on my to-do list that I had the wherewithal to step through and the gift of mental and physical space to act.

I am considering implementing Self Care Sunday - and perhaps journaling/blogging and considering my week's focus will be built into that program, but no commitment there. Part of SCS will be about leaning into what relaxes me, gives me energy, and positively feeds my spirit and sets me up for the week to feel refreshed, engaged, and mentally prepared.

What does your rest/refresh day look like?